I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
