i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
