So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
