Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
