I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
someone owes me an orgasm
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
