You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
