Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
