he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
