Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
