Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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