This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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