So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
