i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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