Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
