I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have demons in me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
