There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
