you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
