I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
