I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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