For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize