Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so much tequila, so little girl.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
