I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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