How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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