Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize