Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
