My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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