I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His nipple licking is glorious
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