I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
