Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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