My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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