one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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