how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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