I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
