i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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