If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
