New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
