Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
