Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drive I can fine osifer
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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