I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
