just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
