I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
