if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
