jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Everything about him screamed your future.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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