youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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