You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
