Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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