It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
