worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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