Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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