On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
