Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
