There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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