I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
