omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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