happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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