If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
